Hidden Meanings
by Khani
Summary: Raven is an empath with a cynical view on life. When she meets and falls for Ryou her powers change for the worse, and she is visited by some really strange individuals... (Rated PG-13 for language). Updated as of 3305.
1. I Am Raven

Hey. This is my first fic on the YGO section. I totally love the series and I really enjoy reading everybody else's fics. You guys are really awesome and stuff.  
  
Well, now that I have sucked up to all of you, I do not own YGO, nor do I own the rights to American Gods by Neil Gaiman, which this fic has stolen a lot of stuff from. I do, however, own Raven Noir so if you don't like that you can Byte me.  
  
I don't usually do fanfiction on the net, so please tell me if there's anything wrong with my story and I will most likely change it. The second chapter will be up either tomorrow or the next day. I don't know.  
  
Yeah... I think that's pretty much it.  
  
Yay! I'm done with the intro! Aren't you so happy? You can start reading the fic now.  
  
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I am Raven Noir. Or at least, that is my American name. Since I am here in Japan I will have to change my name to Yamasuki or something like that, say my wonderful and wise parents. The name Raven will sound harsh and foreign to them, they say. You must fit in.  
  
So you think the name Yamasuki will change that, says I? I AM harsh, and I AM foreign. They will have to live with the name Raven, I say. Screw fitting in.  
  
They give me blank stares. Non-conformity has never been my parents' strong point. My mother is an All-American stay at home woman, who makes hearty breakfasts for her loving husband and daughter. My father is a white- collar retard who now works at KaibaCorp, a huge business run by, you guessed it, a dude named Kaiba. I wonder if dad knows that his boss is in the tenth grade.  
  
Perhaps I shall keep it a secret. He will learn sooner or later. He will have to see his boss at some point... I hope. Because if he never sees his boss, even glances at him, we really are pathetic.  
  
So for now I am Raven Noir, the spawn of my parents who probably wish they never had me. For beneath mom's happy face, and my father's white collar, there are two human beings who just want to put down their lives, go to a strip bar, and fuck each other without worrying about me.  
  
It disturbs me to know this. And yet, I do, and there is nothing I can change. That is life, in five little, easy to read paragraphs. So I guess you can stop reading now, if you want. It's not like knowing about me will change anything in your life, it won't make you stop and think about the universe in general, it's just there.  
  
There is a hidden meaning to that, somewhere. I'll let you try and figure it out.  
  
***  
  
It is Monday morning. The first day of my new, Japanese school.  
  
Obviously, I do not want to go.  
  
My mother opens the door, turns on the light, and pulls the blanket off of me. I am unprotected and cold. I curl up into a fetal position and hope she goes away.  
  
She does not.  
  
"Wakey, wakey!" she cries. "It's time to go to school! Aren't you HAPPY?"  
  
"No," I say, through gritted teeth.  
  
"Well, why not silly-head?" She sits down on my bed and shakes me gently.  
  
"Because it is SCHOOL, Mom."  
  
"Do you want me to sing you a song to help you get up?"  
  
"No!!!!" I open my eyes wide. "No, anything but The Song."  
  
She does not listen to my plea.  
  
"So, riiiise, and shiiiiine, and give god your glory, glory!"  
  
By now I have given up all hope of feigning sick for the next nine months. I sit up, blink, and get out of bed. Mom is still singing the song.  
  
Ignore it, I think. Ignore it...  
  
"RISE and SHINE and! Give god your glory, glory, children of the LORD!!!"  
  
"Mom!" I cry. "Leave NOW! I must get my clothes on!"  
  
Mom stops singing and smiles sweetly. "Oh, I'm sorry honey. I forgot you want your privacy." She leaves quietly and closes the door behind me. I'm sure right now she is telling dad all about how I need my privacy, and that their little girl is growing up so fast.  
  
I may become sick after all.  
  
I look in my closet. Hm, what should I wear? So many things to choose from. I could wear the pink and yellow outfit, or the OTHER pink and yellow outfit, or, hey! That's a good one! The pink and yellow outfit!  
  
The Japanese school has a dress code. Girls must wear this ugly pink and yellow shirts with blue miniskirts, and the boys have to wear navy blue coats and pants with a white shirt. Personally I would rather wear the boy's outfit than this.  
  
After I am dressed, I go into my bathroom (yes, MY bathroom!) and put on some eyeliner and purple lipstick. If I cannot wear my own clothing, I will compensate with makeup. Oh, the things I must go through to obtain individuality.  
  
I walk down the stairs to where my parents are eating breakfast. Dad is reading the newspaper and does not look up at me. Hopefully I can slip underneath his radar and get away with my makeup.  
  
I look down at my bowl. It is Cream of Wheat.  
  
Yum.  
  
Half-heartedly, I spoon sugar into my Cream of Wheat hoping to rid it of that yummy, glue-like taste. It has never worked before, though. I doubt it will work now. After half a cup of sugar has dissolved into the Wheat, I try and take a mouthful of it.  
  
Success! I taste sugar! Perhaps Japan has its advantages after all. Hoping to not press my luck, I eat only three more spoonfuls and head for the door. Mom notices my early departure.  
  
"What's the matter, honey? Aren't you going to finish your Cream of Wheat?"  
  
"Um..." I am sure that I could not get down any more of that disgusting stuff even if I wanted to. The Wheat is battling my stomach for control of the digestive system, and I am not sure that the stomach is winning.  
  
"No thanks, Mom. I'm not very hungry."  
  
"Okay, dear." She says. She comes over and kisses me on the forehead, then looks at me sternly.  
  
"Raven, what do you have on your face? Is this eyeliner? LIPSTICK? Oh, honey, if I knew you wanted to wear some I could have gone shopping with you! You have no idea how horrible this makes your face look. People are going to stare at you all day!"  
  
Oh no, I think sarcastically. I wouldn't want THAT to happen.  
  
Dad looks up from his paper. "What's the matter? What does Raven have on her face?"  
  
Mom turns me around so that he can see, and Dad looks at me sternly. "Young lady, I will not have you going outside with that all over your face! Go into the bathroom and wash it off, now!"  
  
I go into my bathroom, wash off the makeup, then put it in my purse. I will re-apply it outside. For good measure I brush my hair neatly and put it into a ponytail. If that isn't schoolgirl enough for him, I don't know what is.  
  
My father nods in approval as I come downstairs again. I give him my sweetest, most up-yours smile and leave, before anything else can happen before school.  
  
As I walk from my Japanese-esque house, I see other kids going to school as well. Some are riding bikes, a few are skating, most just walk.  
  
About a block from my house I stop to quickly put on my makeup again. I look at myself in the mirror, glaring at the young girl that everyone thinks is me. I hate that girl. I hate her hair, I hate her eyes, I hate her smile. The makeup only intensifies my hate for her, bringing out her lips and her eyes and making her look like a wannabe gothic chick.  
  
I wipe off the makeup with a tissue and saliva. Even the dark hues of black and purple cannot make me what I want to be.  
  
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Well, that concludes my first chapter... Please tell me how you thought of it... it only takes a couple seconds... YOU KNOW I WOULD DO IT FOR YOU!!!!  
  
Heh heh. I'm okay now... The next chapter will come tomorrow, and hopefully I will continue this until I draw it to a wonderful conclusion. Like that will ever happen... _  
  
Cheers,  
  
Khani 


	2. Surrealism

Domino City. That is where I live now.  
  
Honesty, what kind of moron would name a place Domino? It may mean something in Japanese but if it does I don't know it.  
  
The Domino High School is where I go to school now. From the hordes of students milling about on the courtyard I would have to guess that I have come reasonably early. I look around, hoping to maybe find someone that I can become friends with, that I can hang out with, that knows English.  
  
Luckily for me, I do know a good amount of Japanese, so I can hold a decent conversation if need be. I know Konichiwa, and Moshi Moshi, and Ariado.  
  
Wait! Ariado is Italian! Shit.  
  
This is going to be a long day....  
  
I walk through the crowd. Nobody really notices me. I guess since there are so many people here that they wouldn't know a new person from an old one. This may be good; this may also be bad. Two sides of a coin.  
  
Now I am getting philosophical again, I think. I should talk like a normal human being if I want to make friends.  
  
'But do I want to make friends?' the left side of my mind asks. It is a rhetorical question, because it comes right back with, 'Friends are overrated. They leave you when you need them.'  
  
'Not good friends,' my right half says to my left half. 'Good friends will stay with you forever.'  
  
'Who is a good friend anymore?' Says my left half. 'The world has changed since we used you last, Righty.'  
  
"Shut up," I say to both sides of my brain. "You are both wrong. Friends are useful, but there are no good ones anymore. Get over it and work together for once."  
  
'No!' They say together. 'Make us!'  
  
"Don't worry," I mutter to them. "I will."  
  
A couple people are staring at me, wondering why I am talking to myself. It will probably just make me look weirder if I actually told them why, so I just walk away.  
  
'There go your friends,' says my left half. My right half gives it a dirty look but decides not to argue.  
  
Ignoring them, I make my way over to a set of monkey bars and climb up on top of them. I wonder why there is a set of monkey bars in a High School courtyard, but I am sure that it is one of those things that will make your head explode if you think about them too much.  
  
***  
  
From high atop my monkey bar throne I see all. I see all of the little people down there and I can categorize them into groups. There are 47 geeks, 118 jocks, 29 cheerleaders, 281 preps, 3 goths, 34 guys that get beaten up almost every day, 16 bullies, 6 guys that defend the kids that get beaten up every day, 29 wise guys, 13 guys that really are wise, 3 girls that really are wise, 5 loners, a handsome, silent one, 923 people that can't be put into categories, and one Kaiba.  
  
Kaiba was standing off by himself, looking at the crowd of others with a disgusted look on his face. So this was Seto Kaiba, my dad's boss. I wonder again if I should tell my father about this.  
  
Perhaps it is a story best kept for another day, I think. My two halves agree with me for once.  
  
"Hello!"  
  
A voice below me startles me and I almost lose my balance. The voice belongs to a boy that I estimate to be just taller than I am. He has cream- colored hair and chocolate eyes and a beautiful accent. His clothes are clean and put on neatly and he has the air of a gentleman.  
  
I am totally in love.  
  
I can't remember the last time I have had a crush this strong, perhaps I never have. It feels different than I thought it would. I thought it would be more romantic than this.  
  
Hell, I thought I'd be able to speak.  
  
'Say something, woman!' Both sides of my brain scream at me. For a fleeting moment I feel smug because I got them to agree on something, but that passes very quickly.  
  
"Um..." I stutter.  
  
Why will my mouth not work? Say Hello! HELLO! It's not that hard, Raven!  
  
"Hello," I say, finally. It does not come out like I want it to, though. It comes out more like "ailo" than "Hello". Despite this, he laughs.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"I'm fine," I say. At least now I can talk correctly.  
  
"What's your name?" he asks. "You look new."  
  
"How could you tell?"  
  
He shrugs. "I don't know. Most of the girls around here hang around each other. Like in packs, or something."  
  
"Those kind of people scare me."  
  
Again, he laughs. I think I can trace his accent now. It's a mix of Irish and British. Very creamy, like his hair. and his eyes. He reminds me of marshmallows.  
  
'You are ridiculous,' says my left brain. 'It is very disturbing, comparing a boy to marshmallows.'  
  
'You are right,' says my right brain to my left. 'I think he is more like chocolate marshmallows.'  
  
I concur, I say to my right brain. My right brain smiles smugly at my left.  
  
The boy interrupts my train of thought.  
  
"So. you didn't tell me your name."  
  
"Oh." I look at the boy and am once again amazed at how the gods could create such a beautiful person.  
  
"My name's Raven."  
  
"Ryou. People used to call me Bakura."  
  
"So what do people call you now?"  
  
He stares at me blankly, until I realize the obvious.  
  
"Oh!" I cry. My left brain was screaming at my stupidity. "Ryou is your NAME!"  
  
"Yes..." he says slowly. "It is."  
  
"I'm sorry," I say, my face burning up. "I thought. never mind, I'm not thinking well today."  
  
"That happens."  
  
I am surprised that he has not run away screaming by now. That is what I would expect a normal person to do. Maybe I am masking my weirdness very well. Maybe he talks to himself like I do.  
  
Probably not, though. It's most likely the first scenario.  
  
***  
  
In the lower grades, there is a ritual to making friends. First, you meet someone. Then, you talk about things. If you are not immediately repulsed by them, you ask the magic question, "Do you want to be my friend?" If all goes well, you are then friends, at least for a couple months.  
  
Now, as we are older, it becomes so much harder to become friends, though you will probably only keep them for the same amount of time. You have to talk, go places, maybe sleep over a bit. And then if you do not get sick of each other you will become 'friends'.  
  
Why do we outgrow the need to ask people to be our friends? It is no more immature than giggling about something that a person did in class, and it is much more sincere. No, it is not the immaturity of it; it is the innocence of that phrase, and as we grow our pride becomes such that innocence is a thing for little children, and is below our standards of living. We all try to outgrow it, but we long for it at some point.  
  
***  
  
"Do you want to be my friend?" Ryou asks.  
  
I understand, now. I know that he really is like me, he thinks to himself on different levels and has arguments with his mind and reads Greek tragedies though he doesn't understand them. That is why I think he is beautiful, because he is what I am but also what I want to be.  
  
It is like the feeling when you put the last piece of a puzzle that you have been working on for a very long time into its place, and the picture is more beautiful than the one on the box. That is how I feel right now, and I hope it does not end. I do not know if I am in love or if I have a friend but whatever it is it is wonderful.  
  
"Yeah," I say. My mind is not arguing with me, for once, and it is quiet. I feel nobody else, I am not troubled by anyone else's feelings. I am just here and I think it may not be such a bad day after all.  
  
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Hey, I finally did it! I finished this stupid chapter , even though it took me a good five hours to do. I'm sorry that my chapters are so short but there really is only so much I can do, you know? I'll get the next chapter up very soon, I promise!  
  
Cheers,  
  
Khani 


	3. More Surrealism

It is lunchtime. Long ago the bell had rung for us to enter living hell... uh, I mean, to go to our classrooms. I have already met many of my teachers, and many more classmates besides. None so far have interested me with their annoying personal traumas, and even though I try to shut them out they keep seeping back into my brain like so much water trickling through a cracked wooden wall. Brains are not built to keep things out, just as old wood is not built to hold back a river.  
  
Or at least most brains aren't. If I had a normal brain I probably would have gone psycho by now. I probably will sooner or later.  
  
I am an empath. Empath is a big word that I got from some stupid book I was reading, and it means someone who can psychically know people's feelings. When someone is sad, I know about it. In fact, when someone is sad I not only know about it, I learn who he or she are, why they are sad, when this happened, etc. etc. (That is how I was able to categorize everybody on the courtyard.)  
  
As you can probably tell, this can be fucking irritating sometimes. Have you ever seen that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when she could read minds? Picture that, only not quite as bad. Feelings are not nearly as headache inducing as words, which have volume and sound and tangibility, but they are pretty damn close. They are always there and sometimes feelings come with nice little visuals, which I really do not want to see most of the time.  
  
A message to the girl who sits next to me in Social Studies. You need help.  
  
That is all I will say on the matter.  
  
Still, it is lunchtime and the roaring din of emotion calms as the soothing therapy of food kicks in. It is hard to feel anything strongly while you are eating a cheeseburger, except relief, and that is something I will never get tired of feeling.  
  
Lunchtime, for me, however, is not a time for eating. People ask me why I do not eat lunch anymore, and this is my answer. Surround yourself by 120 horny people for two and a half hours, feel the things they are feeling, and THEN try to eat lunch. It is an impossible feat, I tell you. Absolutely impossible....  
  
Besides, I have mush bigger problems than food.  
  
I have to do all my homework in JAPANESE!!!!  
  
Do you understand how HARD that is?! I only know how to write about three words!  
  
And trust me, I am not using ANY of them in my homework. (wink, wink.)  
  
***  
  
As I am trying to figure out my predicament, guess who graces me with his holy presence? It is chocolate marshmallow boy, coming to my rescue.  
  
"Hello," Ryou chirps pleasantly. His day has gone very well, and he is pleased to see me. I bask in his warm, happy glow a couple of seconds before answering.  
  
"Hello Ryou. How did your day go?"  
  
I did not need to ask. I could pretty much guess that it had gone well, that he had little homework and he was planning on seeing his friends after school.  
  
"Very well," he says. "How was yours?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
For a couple minutes there is silence. I think we both like it better that way, when there is nothing being said. I proceed to stare intently at the far wall, wondering what will be for dinner tonight.  
  
Tonight... Oh, yeah. Homework.  
  
I should have brushed up on it before I moved in. I am going to be spending a whole lot of quality time with my dictionary tonight.  
  
I sigh in complete hopelessness. Ryou pats me on the shoulder reassuringly.  
  
FLASH  
  
I am a falcon, soaring high above the desert sand. Below me are my followers, worshipping in their stone temples. Above me is my family looking down upon our land as I am. On the mortal ground I see many of my friends. Sebek, watching from the river. Thoth, the ibis, is flying as I am by the marshes.  
  
I am home.  
  
FLASH  
  
"You're naked," I say in a cracked voice. "I'm naked too."  
  
"I see that," croaked the man. I watch him, intently. Like a hawk. Like me.  
  
"Do you know me?" I ask him. He looks at me with bleary eyes. He is thirsty. I am thirsty, as well. Except I can get a drink if I wish, the man cannot.  
  
"No," he says softly.  
  
"I know you," I tell him. "I watched you in Cairo. I watched you after. Bast likes you."  
  
He thinks. It must be hard for him to think right now. Poor boy.  
  
"You are Horus."  
  
I nod. "Horus. I am the falcon of the morning, the hawk of the afternoon. I am the sun, as you are. And I know the true name of Ra. My mother told me." I puff out my chest.  
  
"That's great," he says politely.  
  
I stare at the ground below us, then drop from the tree.  
  
I am a hawk again, for a moment or two. Just enough to get the baby rabbit and bring it back to my branch. Then I am human.  
  
"Are you hungry?" I ask.  
  
"No," says the man. "I guess I should be, but I'm not."  
  
"I'm hungry." I tear apart the rabbit and eat it quickly, tearing the flesh from the bones and devouring it. It tastes salty and warm, like it should be. I do not eat live food as much as I used to.  
  
After I am done I drop the bones and fur to the ground. He stares at me and I stare back.  
  
"Hey," he says after a long silence.  
  
"Hey."  
  
I stand up on the branch, turn away form the man, and piss out on to the field below. When I am done, I crouch back down onto the branch. The man is not staring at me anymore.  
  
"What do they call you?" I ask. I really do want to know. If he is who they say then the others will want to know.  
  
"Shadow," he says. His voice is even quieter now than before. I think he wants to sleep.  
  
I nod. "You are the shadow. I am the light," I say slowly. "Everything that is, casts a shadow."  
  
"They will fight soon," I continue.  
  
"I don't care."  
  
I watch him breathe, slowly. In, and out. In, and out. He would not be breathing much longer.  
  
"You're dying. Aren't you?"  
  
But the Shadow-Man could no longer speak. Satisfied, I took wing. The others had to know of this.  
  
FLASH  
  
I was in a crowded cafeteria, sitting next to a young boy. I was no longer in Egypt, no longer in a tree with a dying man.  
  
"What just happened?" I asked this question not to Ryou, but to myself, or to no one. It was just a question.  
  
Ryou thought I was talking to him, obviously.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asks. "Nothing just happened."  
  
QED, I think. You just answered your own question. Wisely I decide not to say that to his face. I am in a bad mood now, and I have a nasty habit of losing friends when I am in bad moods.  
  
"Nothing, Ryou."  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
The bell rings seconds later and I quickly walk out, leaving Ryou feeling very confused.  
  
I will have to apologize later.  
  
***  
  
I get through the rest of the day with no weird visions, though I do have much more homework. All good feelings I had in the morning are long gone, and the vision of Egypt and the Man still linger fresh in my mind.  
  
For a fair amount of time I was fascinated by Egyptian mythology. I knew almost all of the gods and goddesses by heart and what their powers were. I knew very well who I saw in that vision, I just did not want to accept it.  
  
It was Horus, falcon god of the sky.  
  
I am not unused to visions. I have them sometimes when someone is really stressed out or in pain. But never before have I had one that vivid. most of the time they are just flashes, thoughts or memories or hopes from other people's minds. This was not from a person's mind.  
  
People, real people do not have memories of being a falcon; they do not have thoughts of dying men. In my fourteen years of existence I have never had one that long, that real.  
  
I am standing near the monkey bars; thinking about these things and watching Ryou talk to his friends. They seem to be a group; there is the little one with spiked hair, two gangly boys and a girl, who is very wise and probably slightly empathic.  
  
Although, of course, she could never be as strong as I am...  
  
Ryou sees me and waves. Dear god, he is going to introduce me. I cannot stand introductions.  
  
Spare me, Sheba, I think. Just kill me right now and be done with it.  
  
When I know that Sheba does not wish to hurl fireballs at me and torch me on the spot, I slowly trudge over to where they are standing. I should have prayed to Horus instead, he seems to be paying loads of attention to me today.  
  
As I come closer I learn that they are a nice group, the two taller boys are nice but kind of stupid. The girl, as I suspected, is most definitely empathic and very loyal to her friends. The shorter boy...  
  
There is something weird about him...  
  
When I get close enough, Ryou proceeds to introduce us.  
  
"Raven, these are my friends: Yugi Mutoh, Katsuya Jonouchi, Anzu Mazaki, and Hiroto Honda. Guys, this is Raven."  
  
They greet me enthusiastically. Much more enthusiastically than anyone back in America would do.  
  
"Hello," I say quickly. I just want top get this over with. They will have to dump me soon. I pray to Sheba that they will.  
  
Yugi looks at me. "Hey, we were going to go to my Grandpa's game shop right now, do you want to come?"  
  
Though I do not look at him, I know that Ryou wants me to come. I sigh inwardly. I cannot deny that beautiful face.  
  
"Sure, why not," I say. Screw my homework! I can do it in the morning! In the courtyard, maybe. Perhaps a couple minutes before class. I envision myself writing frantically on a piece of paper against my locker and smile grimly.  
  
I will never pray to Sheba again.  
  
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Here ends my third chapter. I really hope you like it, I sure did. I think the story is actually starting to come together, because before I was playing this tune by ear. At least now I am a day ahead of schedule, although I'm sure that will be quickly compromised because of that hellhole some people have the nerve to call school.  
  
Before I go on with any more chapters, I have a confession to make. I know absolutely NO Japanese. (I'm much better at French) This is quite embarrassing, seeing as how I am doing a story that is taking place in Japan. I do not even have a Japanese-English dictionary that I can scrape up some words from! Aiyah.  
  
Au revoir, les critique!  
  
Khani 


	4. Even More Surrealism

Hey all! By the time I get this up I've obviously finished the chapter, so yay! I'm glad I got at least some reviews... the best inspiration to write another four pages of material is to see someone say ' I can't wait until you update this story!' or something like that, so thank youuuuuu!  
  
I've made a few changes to the story, if you haven't already checked the other chapters you should now because it may become important later on. (you just never know)  
  
I am now going to be using faces ( ^_^ :] }:0 ) when I feel they are necessary to convey Raven's feelings at that point.  
  
For future reference, WABS stands for Weirded Out Blank Stare. It's something I made up at school during math class, so give me a break.  
  
{To Chuen: Thank you, somewhat-all-powerful-one. But be warned, I shall kick you hypothetical ass when we do that mental battle to see who gets earth in 105 months. That is all.}  
  
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Domino City is a big place. I live in a small house surrounded on both sides by buildings, and most people I know live in apartments. It's like sweet home New York, without the charming cab drivers and the awesome accents. As we walk through the more run-down part of town I feel a sense of familiarity. I knew this place. I grew up in the slums of the city.  
  
I am paying more attention to what is around me than to what they are saying. The once-tall buildings are dark or have sheets up over the broken windows. There are few people outside, but the ones who are seem to be decent people, though poor. I feel a sudden pang of sympathy towards them, then regret it. They do not want sympathy. They want money, or better jobs, or food for their children. They want luck, not someone saying 'I feel sorry for you.'  
  
A Beastie Boys song is coming from a boom box. A teenage boy that is probably not from around my part of town is next to it, nodding his head with every beat of the bass drum. He watches us walk by, eyeing us but still nodding to the music. The others, except for Ryou and Anzu give him weird looks. He smiles to himself, knowing that they would not understand.  
  
I smile to the boy, in return, though I keep my eyes ahead of me. I know why they turn away, I think to him. I know why they do not, in turn, nod to the beat of the music though they want to.  
  
The boy looks up at me and nods in respect, while smiling softly. He understands.  
  
A flicker runs through my mind. It there and gone again in a second. I am on the verge of realizing something that others don't but once again it slips out of my fingers before I can grasp it.  
  
Hidden Meanings, I think. It has something to do with Hidden Meanings, but there is a word that I am trying to remember and it is not coming.  
  
We pass the guy and the Beastie Boys music fades in the background, but the low vibrations of the bass drum follow us for a ways.  
  
***  
  
I expected the Game Shop to be like an arcade or video game store. When we get there, I am surprised to see that it is actually a...well, game shop. There are puzzles and mah-jhong and other things that I have never seen before. The most displayed items are playing cards with pictures of different monsters and people on them. There is Japanese writing on them, probably describing the monster on it.  
  
Jonouchi and Yugi sit at a square table and take out two decks of brown cards and start shuffling them. Anzu, Honda, and Ryou sit on stools next to a silver counter obviously meant for holding a cash register, but I do not see one. I am the last one in, because I have been lingering behind, looking at all the wonderful things in the neighborhood we passed through, and I get to sit next to the holy white-haired one. :]  
  
"Okay," says Jonouchi. "Yugi, you need to show me that awesome combo you pulled off yesterday."  
  
Yugi laughed. "I'll get to that, Joey. Just play your best and I'm sure you'll get it yourself."  
  
They put down the shuffled decks of cards and took a hand, five cards each.  
  
"What are you playing?" I ask.  
  
Jonouchi and Yugi give me stares, and so do the rest of the gang.  
  
"You mean you've never seen Duel Monsters?" Yugi asked, with a WABS on his face.  
  
"Nooo... what is Duel Monsters?"  
  
"What's Duel Monsters?" Jonouchi shouts. "It's only the coolest thing in the history of nothing!"  
  
"Don't you mean, the history of everything?"  
  
He, too, gives me a WABS. (I thought those were supposed to be mine....)  
  
"Whatever. Anyway. how could you not know about Duel Monsters?"  
  
"Because I don't."  
  
Yugi interrupts us before we could start physically hurting each other.  
  
"Duel Monsters is a card game. You basically use monster cards to attack each other and wipe out their life points. Each monster card has an attack number, and a defense number. If you put a card in attack mode you can attack with it, but if your opponent attacks it and they have more attack points than your card, you subtract your attack points from his and take it from your life points. If you put a monster in defense mode and they are destroyed, you don't get points taken away. If the defense points are higher than the attack points, then the opponent gets that subtracted number out of his life points. Get it?  
  
"Pretty much...." I say. It's just a game of numbers. It doesn't seem so hard.  
  
Yugi gives me a really cute half-smile and turns back to his game. I watch them play for a while, using monster and magic cards and subtracting numbers on a scrap piece of paper. There is talking involved, but mostly I tune it out because I am trying to learn the game.  
  
I don't know why I even care about the stupid card game. It seems strangely interesting and addicting once you start playing it, though because after they were done with the first game (Yugi totally pulverized Joey) they did a rematch. About halfway through the second game I had basically gotten it, so I turned around to face the blank wall for some serious zoning out.  
  
Ryou, of course, is way ahead of me. He is staring at the golden pendant that he wears, which he is now holding in his hand and muttering very softly to it. I feel a horrible urge to wave my hand in front of his face to see if he would snap out of it, but I restrain myself. I hate it when people do that to me, so...  
  
I tear my gaze away from his pendant and stare at a pewter dragon statue. It's eyes are a bright blue, and it is holding an orb. I have seen many statues similar to this, where a dragon of some sort is protecting a spherical object. But this one. this one looks entirely too real.  
  
FLASH  
  
A huge desert is all around me. The only sounds I hear are form the wind and from the scuttling of scorpions. This is good, I want quiet.  
  
I stretch out my large, sleek body on a brown rock that is hot from the sun, but I do not care. The heat does not affect me. I enjoy pain.  
  
I am sadistic, so sue me.  
  
My father and sisters and brothers are probably searching for me, but I don't give a damn. I am fucking tired of my life, of being held at bay when I just want to scream and fight. I don't care whose it is, but I need blood. Now.  
  
I am not afraid of being found or caught. They cannot make me cross the small river that separates me from them unless I do it freely. And I will not go freely. Soon I will move out of this Ra-forsaken desert and go have some real fun in Bubastis, where they worship my sister. That will show those idiots who is the dominant one. Every year IsheI gets a huge ceremony, and what do I get? A couple of priests in a stone temple! Where is my marble, my ever-burning flame? They will learn to respect the Queen of Lions, Sekhmet!  
  
I see a large bird fly down on the ground next to me. Its plumage is quite beautiful, with white and cream with intelligent brown eyes. It is, of course, an ibis.  
  
"Thoth!" I growl. "Go away."  
  
The ibis looks at me and then is no longer an ibis. It is Thoth, in his true, almost-intimidating-if-I-weren't-a-lion-goddess-who-could-tear- his-heart-out-and-feed-it-to-Amnet form. His skin is pale, like his feathers, and his hands are long and slender. His head stays that of an ibis, giving him an eerie look to a mortal. I, however, cannot be fooled. Thoth is the one who seeks knowledge, not fighting. If I had the chance he would be dead in less than a second.  
  
"You must come back," he says calmly. "Everyone is searching for you."  
  
"That is easy for you to say. I need blood, and if I have to I will get it from you! So leave, before I am tempted."  
  
"Your threats are empty, young Sekhmet. If you were to try I would just fly away, as does a bird from a cat. Why do you think Ra gave us wings?"  
  
"To annoy me?" I mutter dryly. I had not moved from my original spot on the rock, I was too comfortable to move.  
  
There was a long silence from Thoth. He shakes his head and sighs.  
  
"Fine, then. I will leave you." Then he turns into an ibis and flies up and away  
  
I watch him until he is invisible in the afternoon sky, then close my eyes.  
  
Time for sleep.  
  
FLASH  
  
I awake to hear the sound of a small child crying, far off in the distance. Opening my yellow eyes I see that it is, indeed a small girl. I get up to investigate.  
  
I pad along silently towards her, but she does not seem to see me. She keeps sobbing, calling for her mother and begging the gods to help her because she is thirsty and scared.  
  
Oh, child. You called for the wrong goddess. I will eat you and let your young blood drip down my lips and I shall rejoice...  
  
She finally sees me and screams, calling to Ra and Horus and Sebek and Bes and Bast and Set and all the other gods I know about and some that I don't. Her shrill cries for help pierce the afternoon air and my ears. I flatten them against my head.  
  
This girl is hurting me! Me, the goddess of war and chaos and blood. I, the lion goddess! She will pay in full.  
  
I crouch, then pounce and my loud roar of joy fills the air, overwhelming her screams! So long have I waited to do this again...  
  
Then, she is not there.  
  
I land on the hard desert earth where she used to be sitting. I roar in frustration and swipe at the space where her dead body should be.  
  
But I only swipe air.  
  
"You are very predictable, Sekhmet," a sly-sounding voice behind me says.  
  
I turn around.  
  
"Thoth." I growl. "Of course."  
  
I realize that in my anxiousness to get the child I have completely overlooked the sacred river I had crossed. I was now in the God's range of dominion, and I could not escape this time. I look at the arrogant bird with rage.  
  
"I will kill you and feed your soul to Amnet for tricking me like this!"  
  
"Yes," said Thoth. "But I must say, it was quite easy."  
  
FLASH  
  
"Raven?"  
  
I look up. Everyone is staring at me like I had passed out or something. Even Ryou has put down his pendant and is looking at me with concern.  
  
"What?"  
  
Jonouchi totally freaks out. "What? What? What do you mean, what?!? You totally spaced out for like, ten minutes! You were staring at the wall and muttering something, then you banged your hand on the table!"  
  
So that explains the pain in my fist," I think.  
  
"Well. I don't know. I was just thinking really hard. Calm down!" I look at their worried faces. "I'm fine... really." Anzu is probably the most scared, she may have felt some of what I had.  
  
Suddenly I feel very stupid, like I had done something very foolish like scream bloody murder at a rat. Well, the rat was gone now and I wanted to go hide my face for a while.  
  
"I should probably get home," I say quietly. I slide off the stool and head for the door, but Ryou stops me.  
  
"Can I walk you home?" he asks. I think he wants to ask me something personal so I nod.  
  
The others say their goodbyes and we head out into the cool evening.  
  
***  
  
We walk silently for about a block. The crescent moon shines brightly, and the dark streets are illuminated with a dim white light. I love nights like these, when all is still and silent.  
  
"What did you see?" he asks suddenly. I look at him, unsurprised at his question.  
  
"I had a vision."  
  
I am surprised, now, but it is because he is not. He is not confused, he is curious.  
  
"Of what?"  
  
We are passing the Music Boy again. He is not listening to music, and his tape player is turned off, but he is still there and he nods slightly when we pass. I nod back, then continue my conversation.  
  
"I'm not exactly sure...." That was a lie. I am very sure of what I saw, I just don't want to say it. Before it was weird, now it is getting freaky.  
  
"I think I had a vision of Sekhmet. You know, one of the Egyptian goddesses? She was being tricked into going back home and she was really pissed off about it, so that's probably why I banged the table."  
  
He shakes his head. "No... I don't know. What is she the goddess of?"  
  
"War, chaos, bloodshed. She was angry because she was not being permitted to kill people so she left and one of the other gods tried to bring her back."  
  
I smile. Ryou is barely understanding what I am telling him about.  
  
"Well, Thoth, the god of knowledge and cunning tricked her into coming back of her own accord by putting out an illusion of a young girl. Sekhmet wanted to kill the girl so badly she crossed the threshold into the god's domain and had to stay there."  
  
"Ah."  
  
I am really talking now. 'The thing is, I've had a vision like this before."  
  
"Of Sekhmet?"  
  
"No, it was of Horus. He was flying over Egypt, and then he was in a tree talking to a dying man named Shadow."  
  
Ryou seems to be getting it.  
  
"Horus is the sky-god, right? A falcon?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He nods slowly.  
  
"Do you know what these visions mean?"  
  
I shake my head sadly, and I feel tears coming out of my eyes.  
  
"No," I stutter. Why am I crying? I haven't cried in so long... I can't remember when I last did. This wasn't such a big deal, why am I making one?  
  
Ryou looks at me, and I try to wipe the tears away. Unfortunately, it just makes me look even more pathetic. This is not a good day for me.  
  
Suddenly he is embracing me and my full weight is against him. My tears come and I cannot stop them, but he just sways softly and holds me more.  
  
"I understand," he whispers. "It's hard, this kind of thing? You don't know what it means or why you are the one with it but it's there. You just have to deal."  
  
I nod. The tears have slowed down and I have stopped shaking, but he still hugs me. I want to be there forever, if possible.  
  
Then, I figure out exactly what this must look like. I feel very embarrassed again and I let go of him, even though I do not want to. He looks embarrassed, too, like he admitted something he usually didn't talk about.  
  
"I'm sorry," he says softly. "That was kind of weird."  
  
My face is a bright scarlet. "It's okay... I think I needed that."  
  
We walk in silence until we get to my house. The windows are dark and the house is silent. Mom is probably trying to get something at the grocery store and Dad's doing overtime.  
  
And we are alone.  
  
Damn, I want to kiss him so badly but I'm not sure what impression it will make on him, so I just stand there. I'm not sure if I'm trying to build up the courage to kiss him or I'm waiting for him to kiss me or I just can't move.  
  
Something had better happen soon, though, because I need to piss.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like hours (about five seconds in real time) he sighed.  
  
"Well... Ja ne, Raven."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
He stares at me for another second, then turns away and walks into the darkness. As I watch him leave I am aware of a small brown cat on the trash can across the street. This would not be weird, if it were not for the strange looking bird perched upon the brick wall behind it, like a stork or crane.  
  
"Fuck off," I say to them quietly. The bird looks at me for a couple seconds, then flaps it's huge wings and flies off. The cat jumps off it's trash can and leaves as well, following the ibis.  
  
I unlock the door and go into my silent house.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wow.. it sure took a lot longer than I thought it would. This chapter introduces a lot of new things, including a couple of new characters. If any of you don't know who these Egyptian gods/goddesses are, here they are:  
  
Thoth~ God of knowledge and cleverness. It is a recorded legend in which Thoth tricks Sekhmet into coming back from the desert, although I could not remember it to the letter. (sorry) He is usually portrayed as having the head of an ibis, which is a bird that looks a lot like a crane and is native to the area around the Nile river.  
  
Sekhmet~ Goddess of war and blood and chaos. She is (I am almost sure) the sister of Bast. I like to use them as the Ying-Yang relationship seeing as how they are very similar in body but almost opposites in spirit. Sekhmet has the head of a lion and the body of a young woman.  
  
Bast~ One of my personal favorites, Bast is the cat goddess of love and sex. In Egyptain statues of her, she is shown holding a sacred rattle and four kittens at her feet, for she is also the goddess of childbirth. (Or is that Isis?)  
  
Horus~ The ever-popular falcon god of the sky. He is the grandson of Ra, and the son of Ra and Osiris. He will come up later in the story.  
  
Isis~ I'm not sure if we will see her, but if we do she is the goddess of magic. She is usually portrayed as a regular woman with a headdress made of two large cow horns.  
  
Sebek~ Probably won't see him, but he gets mentioned a lot. He is the god of. the Nile? I think. If he isn't he's the god of crocodiles, that I'm sure of. He has the head of (you guessed it) a crocodile.  
  
Another thing. I totally give up. I KNOW that you use those stupid little html codes like u and crap, but they are not working for me. Help please....  
  
Jan ne,  
  
Khani 


	5. Birds of a Feather

Okay, this is the sixth chapter. I have changed a lot of the previous chapters a bit since I have been told that my bios of the gods and goddesses were wrong. Fine. I have changed them. Anyway... here is the next chappie. I hope you like!  
  
BTW, when something is in brackets { } it is an author's note.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My house is pretty small by my standards. There is no second floor and all of the walls and doors are screens. I have to hand it to the Japanese, though. They can make really pretty houses.  
  
My room is kind of weird. Outside, the screen is a nice cream color and there is a picture of a crane and some cherry blossoms. Inside, the walls are the same color but you wouldn't be able to tell from all the posters I put up. Dragons, Vampires, pictures of people I don't know that I got off the internet, Blink182, Good Charlotte, Ozzy Osbourne, Orlando Bloom *drool...* and Marilyn Manson. I also have posters of things that I found in garage sales: fluffy mice, Murphy's Laws, (I like that one) and a picture of some kittens.  
  
Lastly, there are many surrealistic paintings that my friend Carson painted. Carson is a 24-year-old artist and it seems no one likes his artwork, they find it nausea-inducing. I think his paintings are absolutely beautiful. One of his, (hanging over my bed) is a picture of a bunny in a furnace. Its fur is melting and you can tell it is screaming in horrible agony.  
  
It's disturbing, but if you look at it for a while you could tell that at the time Carson was in total agony as well. I know this for a fact, because he painted that about the time when the girl he loved and adored flicked him off and said he was a total creep. He wouldn't come out of his house for days.  
  
I was Carson's only friend, I think. I wonder what he will do now that I am gone and there is no one to appreciate his art. I hope that there is someone else that thinks his paintings are beautiful.  
  
So, many of his paintings are hanging around my room, some of them are on top of other posters. I must have spent about $800 to wallpaper my room like this alone, and my other room was bigger. O_O  
  
I have a regular bed (no mats for me!) and beside it I have a little wooden bed stand that has a huge boom box on it , which is way too big for the stand. I flop down on my bed and look at my ceiling (which is also wallpapered with posters) and stare at Marilyn Manson's disturbingly beautiful face.  
  
If there is anything I like more than Carson's paintings, it is Marilyn Manson.  
  
To add to the darkness of mood, I pop in one of Manson's cds. It is the new one, Golden Age of Grotesque. I bought it right before I came here, and I have already memorized the words. I mouth them to myself as they blast out into my ears.  
  
"We'll be the worms in your apple pie  
  
Think abuse four miles, blacken our own eyes  
  
Grass isn't greener on the other side  
  
We set it on fire and we have no reason why...  
  
Set fashion, not follow  
  
Split for trial, not swallow  
  
Set fashion, not follow  
  
Split for trial, not swallow  
  
{Blahblahblah fill in whatever words you get from this phrase cuz I can't decipher them.}  
  
We know who we are, and what we want to say  
  
And we don't care, cause that's our name.  
  
We don't rebel, to sell; it just suits us well  
  
We're the Bright Young Things.  
  
I close my eyes, the music calming me down. That night, my dreams are filled with melting bunnies and crane-like birds.  
  
***  
  
The next day, while I am walking to school I see Ryou reading some book. I can't exactly tell what it is because it is in Japanese but it is unnaturally thick. No small paperback should be four inches thick.  
  
"Hello Ryou," I say walking up beside him. He mumbles hello but does into get his nose out of that damn book. Perfect, now he is making ME curious. I may have to read it now and see why it is so interesting.  
  
"What is that book?" I ask. Hopefully it will be something very boring and I will forget about it.  
  
"It is Les Miserables. It's a story about a man named Jean Valjean. He's in France in the 1800's and he ran away from his parole officer and changed his name and became the mayor of a city called Montriel-su-mer. Nobody knows that it's him, but now the parole officer works for him. Meanwhile, there's a prostitute named Fantine who works at Valjean's factory and she has a young daughter that lives with an innkeeper and his wife and she pays them to take care of the daughter."  
  
I have to kill this boy now... it actually sounds interesting and that is not good. I sigh.  
  
"What happens to Fantine?"  
  
He finally looks up just in time to not crash into a telephone pole. "I don't know, I'm only on the third chapter in the second book."  
  
I stare at him. "How many books are IN there?"  
  
"I think about five or six."  
  
O_o  
  
***  
  
I remembered just in time that I had forgotten to do my homework. I did it very quickly and horribly (and in English, they would have to live with that) None of my words made sense, but an F is better than zero. I think.  
  
It is now Math class, and we are discussing things that I already know. *yawn*  
  
"What is an integer?"  
  
A kid in front of me puts up his hand. "Any whole number or it's opposite."  
  
"Yes," says the teacher. "Can anyone tell me their practical application?"  
  
This is ridiculous, I think. I learned this more than three years ago. I hope they aren't THAT far behind...  
  
Another kid puts up her hand. "They can be used to show a negative temperature, and losses on paper."  
  
I raise my hand to disagree. The professor looks at me with exasperation. I don't think he likes me, since I keep disagreeing with everything he says.  
  
"Yes, miss Noir?"  
  
"Negative numbers aren't real. They're hypothetical, and they can't be used in real life. It's like absolute value, it is redundant."  
  
He raises his eyebrow. "Please explain this, Miss Noir."  
  
By now everyone is staring at me, so I am going to make the most of my (current) moment of fame.  
  
"A number is not technically a thing. It is HOW MANY of a thing there are, or is. The number three, for instance. If you hold up three fingers, the three fingers are not three itself, but they represent that number, correct?"  
  
The professor was barely hanging on. He nodded, with a weird look on his face.  
  
"Three, or any positive number can be represented by items or things. Fractions and decimals are represented every day, when someone cuts something up that is a fraction or decimal. Negative numbers, however cannot be represented by anything in real life. The only thing you could possibly use would be the absence of an item or thing. You cannot have less than zero fingers up, you cannot see negative two trees on the side of the road."  
  
I think that I have just lost him.  
  
They all stare at me as if I was totally messed up. The professor shoots back with a remark that he must have learned during the teacher's meeting where they discussed what to say if kids got too smart.  
  
"What about temperature? You can have a negative 45 degrees Centigrade, can't you?"  
  
That was good, I think. Unfortunately my last teacher said the same thing.  
  
"The measurement of temperature is relative. You can obviously see this, knowing that in America we use Farenheit, which is entirely different from Celcius. In Kelvin, for example, there are no negative numbers. You go from absolute zero up. Therefore, negative numbers are only a hypothetical thing and really shouldn't be taught that much."  
  
The professor said nothing, but opened up his book to a different page.  
  
"Right then..."  
  
***  
  
After school is dismissed I wait in the hallway for everyone to come. Jonouchi, unsurprisingly is first. He runs up next to me with a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Hey," says Jonouchi. "I heard you totally stumped the math teacher today."  
  
"I gave him a lot to think about."  
  
He laughs and shakes his scraggly blonde hair. "Whatever you did, he's not as weird as he was before. He's a lot nicer too, but he insists that there is no such thing as a negative number. Is that your fault?"  
  
"Yeah. One of my many messed-up theories is that there are no such things as negative numbers. I also believe that the universe is expanding and that every time you make a decision you create a parallel universe where in that universe you made a different decision and your life goes on that way."  
  
He looks at me.  
  
"Wow," he says quietly. "I've never thought about that kind of stuff." He looks away and I can tell this kid is not the clown that he appears to be.  
  
I wonder how he does it; how he can be a class clown or a bully or a friend or a helpless kid depending on what he thinks about.  
  
Hell, I wonder how anyone does it.  
  
Yugi and the others run down the hallway to meet us.  
  
"Hey," says Yugi. He is breathing hard, like he just ran down a couple flights of steps. "What's up?"  
  
"Indeed," I say very seriously. I think I will let them figure that one out on their own.  
  
After a couple seconds of confused silence Honda pipes up.  
  
"Hey, we were going to go to Burger World. Do you want to come?"  
  
"Um..." I think very carefully. I DO want to go with them, it's just that... something else doesn't want me to. It wants me to go home.  
  
Well, the gut instinct hasn't failed me too much yet, I may as well trust it now.  
  
"No thanks," I say. "I have lots of homework."  
  
"Okay," says Yugi.  
  
I wish Ryou would stop looking at me like that. He thinks that I'm really messed up over last night but I'm NOT... It's just I feel like I have something to do. I give them a little half-smile and walk out of the building and down the bicycle-infested streets. I really should get one of those.  
  
The way to my house is in a totally different direction than the way to the Card Shop, but for some reason I walk that way instead. It's like my feet are totally ignoring my brain.  
  
Okay feet, I think. Lead the way. But if this doesn't have a good reason, somebody's gonna get on the wrong end of my wrath.  
  
I walk for a while, then turn slightly to the left. I am heading down a road that eventually goes by some woods. I am standing in the middle of the road, and all the while I think about what would happen if a car came by but I never go to one side. On the other hand, though, no cars come by.  
  
I stop about a mile and a half from where I started. I look around trying to find some reason that I stopped here. There is nothing but a bunch of trees on either side of the road and there is no one around. I sigh and walk towards the trees and sit on the side of the road.  
  
About three minutes later, a small doe comes out from the trees on the other side of the road. She walks my way and looks at me benignly. It surprises me that she doesn't get scared or run.  
  
I wonder... I think.  
  
"Hello," I say softly. "Are you some messenger or something? Is that why I'm here? Did you want to tell me something?"  
  
She just stares at me and I decide that she is just a very trusting and/or stupid deer.  
  
I watch her for a while. She walks slowly towards my side of the road, the stops. Then she goes down onto her knees and lays down, in the way four- legged herbivores do.  
  
The red car comes so fast, I do not even notice it before it is ten feet away from the deer. All she and I can do is stare at the car as it comes and crushes her underneath it's tires. It skids off to the other side but keeps going, not that much slower than it was before.  
  
Fucking bastard! I think. He didn't even have the decency to stop. For all he (or she, I didn't get a look at the driver) knew, it could have been a little kid that he/she just hit.  
  
The doe is still facing me, staring with lifeless eyes. I feel the need to throw up, or cry, or both. It really was sad.  
  
A huge crow, about the size of a small dog flies down and starts eating the doe. After a few chunks of meat are eaten, it looks up at me and caws.  
  
"You people are sick. Tell your bosses that, monsieur crow," I say to it. There is no doubt in my mind that this was set up by some god. The god of irony, no doubt.  
  
The bird shakes its head.  
  
"Not crow. Raven. Like you." It's voice sounds like two dry stones being rubbed together. It leans down and rips off another strip of meat and swallows it slowly, like a long bloody worm.  
  
"Whatever. Just tell them that."  
  
It looks at me again with its beady eyes. There is something very intimidating about a bird this size, I think.  
  
"Says he will met you in Kay-ro. Chaos, I mean."  
  
"What the hell? Where is Kay-ro?"  
  
The crow, no, RAVEN laughed croakily.  
  
"You live here. You have map. You figure it out."  
  
I hate birds. I really do.  
  
"Whatever," I say again, sighing. "Just... be specific. Chaos in Kay-ro. This does not help me. I need more information."  
  
"Chaos. Friend. Meet him. Kay-ro," the bird replied helpfully.  
  
I get up and stretch. It feels like I have been sitting on that damn road forever.  
  
"Fine. Just fine, I can do this myself. But can you at least point me in the general direction?"  
  
The bird lifts its wing and points it down the road I had come from.  
  
"Southeast," it croaked.  
  
"I probably could have figured that out by myself."  
  
It ignored me and went back to its venison meal.  
  
I walk down the road a couple of steps, then turn back.  
  
"Hey, bird."  
  
It looks up at me. I can tell it is growing tired of my company. I can understand that, I grow tired of myself sometimes, too.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"No name. Only messenger."  
  
I nod and walk down the road for another mile and a half until I get back to the school. I am now back where I started from, with absolutely nothing answered. Wonderful.  
  
I sigh and go walk down the road to a convenience store. Hopefully someone can tell me where the hell Kay-ro is so I can go there, get home, and maybe get some homework done before sleeptime. It is already almost four.  
  
I definitely cannot keep this up every day, I think.  
  
***  
  
"Kay-ro? Why the hell would ya want to go to that rathole?"  
  
"Dude, that is what I am trying to figure out. Just tell me where it is."  
  
The convenience store clerk is being somewhat helpful. He knows where Kay- ro is, obviously.  
  
He raises his eyebrow suspiciously but takes out a map anyway and shows me where it is. It turns out Kay-ro was the slum I walked through yesterday.  
  
Somehow I am not surprised.  
  
"Why is it called Kay-ro?" I ask.  
  
"Some retarded rich dude bought it about thirty years ago and named it Kay-ro, after the city in Egypt. Thing was, he got smart and pronounced it differently so that people would think it was funny. Anyway, it's totally fucked up now, only homeless people live there. Lot's of gangs live there, too, but that's something else." He rolled up the map and put it away.  
  
"Why would he name a city in Japan after a city in Egypt?"  
  
He shrugs. "I dunno. I think he was really interested in that stuff at the time. Going on archaeological digs, crap like that."  
  
"Do you know who he was?"  
  
He looks at me weirdly. "I really can't remember his name. But he was the creator of Duel Monsters, so he certainly had the money. Um... what was his name... Oh! Yeah! Pegasus Crawford. That's his name."  
  
"Uh-huh." I say. "Well, thanks for your help."  
  
"No prob, babe."  
  
I walk out and head toward the Slums. I have a pretty good idea of who I'm going to see. Seriously, nothing can surprise me now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heyo... I totally hope you liked the chapter. (you can guess what I was listening to while I wrote it) Next chapter she actually meets the god who sent her! Any guesses? Personally I think it's a bit obvious, but... that's just me.  
  
I am sooo pissed off right now because my retarded little brother threw away my American Gods book! How am I going to come up with inspiration? That WAS my inspiration! Fuck.  
  
Ja ne,  
  
Khani 


	6. Chaos Bleeds

Once again, I am blindsided by the absolute stupidity of some people. I would HOPE that at least someone would figure out that AOL users (and again I shall point out that AOL sucks disgusting butt) CANNOT LOG ON with this new security mode! AOL, for some reason, will not let me log on and therefore update my story. Yeah, I'm sure you're thinking, 'why don't you just switch to internet explorer or MSN?' Well, I CAN'T. My dad, who is a voiceover artist, gives out tapes of him doing work for the Baltimore Ravens and such, and with it he includes his AOL screen name, so they may E- mail him. I cannot go on Internet Explorer because that too is hooked up to AOL.  
  
I have complained numerous times to the people working here at Fanfiction.net that this is NOT COOL, and I am very pissed off, but do they answer? No. Do they DO anything about it? Hell no! Why should THEY bend to the needs of a user? What an absolutely outrageous idea that is.  
  
*Sigh* but I need to get on with it. I am currently using my mother's laptop hooked up to a phone on a chair to do this, so please be grateful that I am doing this. Most people, I would think, would give up. But no, not me! I shall work persistently to give you what...  
  
Oh, never mind I'm too lazy to write the rest. Just read, please.  
  
Oh! Yeah. *** means some time has passed. So if I end a paragraph and then do *** under it it is a while before the written dialogue is actually spoken.  
  
Obsequious Sadist~ Thank youuuuu I thought nobody else knew! Or understood... except for Chuen and perhaps Sarah. You should see me in math class, when I'm not spacing out.  
  
Chuen~ Child-like empress, you do not even know what Ja ne means (then again, I don't exactly know either) so don't use it until you find me a Japanese-English dictionary and we can look up Japanese words together.  
  
Science Project thing due next week and I've barely started. Perhaps that's why they give you a month to do it instead of a week. And I havn't even written my song about the air vent! Damn. I'll just do it on Monday (which is lundi in French. ^_^)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kay-ro is a very creepy place, especially at dusk. The shadows seem longer and the faces peeking out at you from the broken windows don't seem so innocent anymore.  
  
And the flocks of ravens that are perched atop the walls and crumbling buildings don't help much, either.  
  
That's right. I think word got around that I was going to go see Chaos, and all of the ravens decided to stare at me while I walk down the deserted streets. As I pass, they move on their perches and ruffle their feathers eerily. I can hear them whispering to one another, though I can't make out what they say. Suddenly one of them shouts down from its perch.  
  
"Ai! Shadow-Girl!"  
  
I look up at it, and it stares at me with black beady eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't get angry. Don't disrespect. Don't talk about Osiris. He is friend, but does have a temper."  
  
I nod. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."  
  
The raven toks reassuringly and I resume walking, trying to ignore the ravens. At least I know they wish me well.  
  
One of them does, anyway.  
  
***  
  
After a good twenty minutes of walking it occurs to me that I don't know where I am supposed to go. I have been wandering these streets for a good third of an hour and I not only don't know where to go; I don't know where I am, either.  
  
I sigh and sit on a dumpster. The ravens are still staring at me, and whispering to one another. I wonder what they are saying.  
  
"Okay," I say aloud. "You guys win. I don't know where to go, so could you possibly help me? Please?"  
  
They do not say anything, only continue to shuffle around and stare at me.  
  
"Give you cookie!" I try feebly.  
  
One of the large birds cocks its head at me. "That is lame, Shadow-girl."  
  
I finally snap. This is it; I'm tired of being in this fucking surrealist version of life. I don't want to talk to birds; I don't want to see Chaos. I just want to go home.  
  
"It's Raven, you stupid flea-bitten crow!" I scream at it. Some of the  
ravens fly off in fright, others get mad and scream back.  
  
I jump off the dumpster and walk down another deserted street, then turn at a corner and walk down that one. Turn, walk, walk, walk, turn, walk, turn, walk, walk, turn, retrace steps a bit, turn, walk, walk...  
  
The ravens follow me after a couple minutes and so now every time I look up I see them staring at me, waiting for me to do something stupid, like die.  
  
"I bet you'd like that," I say to them, "for me to die."  
  
They say nothing but I can tell that right now they are impatient for me to do something. Well, so am I. I am impatient to find the way OUT of here.  
  
"Fine!" I cry up at them. "What am I supposed to do? I don't know! I really don't? What are you waiting for me to do?"  
  
They shuffle uneasily. I hear them mutter to one another and I catch a glimpse of sentence.  
  
"Ask," the raven whispered.  
  
I ball my hands into fists.  
  
"I DID ask? What the fucking hell do you think I've been DOING for the past five minutes?"  
  
They still do not answer.  
  
"Fine," I mutter through gritted teeth. "I will ask, one... more... time." I pause to gather my breath.  
  
"Where. Is. CHAOS?!?!"  
  
The last part I scream so loud that I am sure the whole city heard me. All of the birds freeze when they hear me scream, then fly away in terror.  
  
Good. They SHOULD be scared. I stare at the diminishing figures of the ravens in the distance.  
  
"Do you need help, miss?"  
  
I jump and turn around. It is the music boy from yesterday. He is sitting in his regular spot, next to his boom box. It's weird... it's like he is sitting in the exact same place as last time, in front of the same old building. But that's impossible, I am sure that I was not passing that building.  
  
"Yeah," I whisper. "I need to get out of here."  
  
He stares at me with very, very dark brown eyes.  
  
"I'm sure I could tell you... but that would totally ruin my sending you here in the first place."  
  
O_O "You?" I ask.  
  
"Yes. I sent my raven to get you; I made the maze and the riddle. It was really quite simple. I do love riddles like that."  
  
My brain has stopped functioning. "Wait, wait... a riddle? That's all this was?"  
  
The boy nods. "Yes. It's a riddle of pride; I made it up myself. You walk around in circles, trying to find a certain thing when the answer is all around you. All you had to do was ask the birds. When you did, I appeared."  
  
My mind freezes. "You mean... you are Seth?"  
  
A flicker of absolute disgust resonates over his face, then quickly disappears.  
  
"No," he says quietly. "Seth is a Hebrew name. It means 'substitute', and obviously people keep confusing it with my REAL name, which is Set. SET, Raven. Please remember this. I do not like it when people get my name wrong."  
  
"Sorry. That's just the way I heard it in school and stuff."  
  
The boy nods. I find it weird that Set, the god of all things evil and black would take the form of a young punkish boy. I ask him this, and he chuckles.  
  
"I wanted to be in a form you would recognize. You know, if you saw any of us in our true forms you would probably die or be blinded. Besides... I think it suits me, don't you?"  
  
I stare at him, trying to see how it would suit him. After a minute or two, I am still at a loss.  
  
"Beastie Boys?"  
  
He stands up and dusts off his navy-blue jeans. "All will be revealed in time, young Raven. Come, let us walk."  
  
***  
  
We walk through the dusty streets of Kay-ro, and as we pass the ragged and poor looking children, they look at him with fear and hatred.  
  
"Why do they run away from you?" I ask, after one child blesses himself before fleeing as if for his life.  
  
"They know what I am. Little children, and I mean really young ones see what is real. As you get older that goes away. You see a seventeen year- old kid you met on the street; they see an incarnation of evil and chaos. I am not a pretty person." He paused, and looked ahead.  
  
"Besides," he says, starting to walk toward whatever he was looking at. "They run away and curse at me because I am the one who made them they way they are. I bring them flies and sickness and poverty. They have many reasons to hate me."  
  
He stops in the middle (or end? I don't know yet) of his speech and stands in front of a young woman holding a baby. The baby is white and frail, and so is the woman. He raises his hand over the baby's head and it starts to cough horribly. I can almost see the sickness going through the infant's body; the poor child would be dead in a week, maybe less. The woman looks at hm with horror on her face and rushes into her dilapidated house, slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Why did you do that? The kid will die now!"  
  
He looks at the ground sadly. "Raven, it's hard to explain. Let me just leave it at that is what I am supposed to do."  
  
"No, tell me why you do this! Don't you get sick of all the people dying because of you?"  
  
He stops and glares at me angrily.  
  
"Damn, Raven! I thought you were smarter than this! Yes, I do get sick of watching people despair because of what I do. I hate watching people die and I cry every time I kill the mother of a child. But if I don't the world will be even worse off. People have to get sick, and there has to be poverty and infertility and chaos, because if there wasn't what would balance out all the good things?"  
  
A flicker runs through my mind again, and I try to grasp onto it. I almost have it this time but once again it slips through my fingers.  
  
"Hidden Meanings," I whisper.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
***  
  
"Why are you acting this way?" I ask after a while. We have been  
talking about things,  
about life in general and about very specific things. It is truly  
awesome; having someone that is exactly the  
same thinking level as you are to talk with.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
I pause, trying to gather my thoughts.  
  
"I mean, aren't you supposed to be an evil god? I mean, you were supposed to have killed your brother for the throne of Egypt. Why are you acting really friendly to me?"  
  
Right after I say that sentence I regret it, remembering the raven's words. 'Don't mention Osiris.' He is silent for a very long time (2, maybe 3 minutes) before he answers.  
  
"Raven, are you evil?"  
  
I am shocked. "No!" I say loudly.  
  
"Well, you dress in black clothing. You wear dark makeup; you don't talk to many people. You must be evil if you are all those things."  
  
"I'm not! I like the color black, and..." I stop. I have figured it out now.  
  
He smiles. "Just because people think that what I do is evil, does not mean I am evil as well. It is like you and your clothing. Your clothing is dark, but you yourself are not sadistic, masochistic, or anything else that it implies."  
  
"Ah. Okay, I get it now... wait! My clothing isn't masochistic!"  
  
He goes on. "Anyway, I had a good reason for killing Osiris."  
  
"What was it?" I ask, still fuming slightly about the masochistic crack.  
  
"He fucked my wife. You know, Nepthys? She has a son, Anubis. You've probably heard of him. Good kid, but not mine. He takes after his father's profession."  
  
"Weirdly, that makes sense."  
  
He laughs. His laugh sounds like a wolf barking, but it is a laugh all the same.  
  
"You know Raven, I always liked you. I liked the way you think, the way you saw things. Reminds me of Thoth. Now there's a nice guy, his kids are all wonderful thinkers."  
  
O_o "He has kids?"  
  
"Damn straight. He always liked the bookish type, though. Me, I went for the wild ones."  
  
I close my eyes. "Set... no offense but I really don't want to know."  
  
Set smiles.  
  
We walk in silence for a good five minutes. By the time we speak again we are out of Kay-ro and into the city of Domino. Familiar houses pass and people I know I've seen before pass.  
  
"So..." I say. "You never explained the Beastie Boys thing. Is that some godly message to mankind or something?"  
  
He chuckles. "You should be so lucky. No, I like that kind of music because... it makes me feel like myself again. You know that feeling, when you close your eyes and you hear the bass drum pounding out a good ¾ time and you remember what you are? It isn't everywhere that you hear that kind of music, but that song I was listening to was.  
  
It's also that rock songs represent chaos in its entirety. It's all relative. To someone who does not normally listen to it, it can be absolute nonsense but if you listen long enough you find a rhythm and basic beat. There is no absolute chaos, unless you want to include Nun but he's entirely different. The Egyptians thought that there was, but they just didn't study the music long enough."  
  
I understand. Hell, I SHOULD understand. I listen to chaos every day, and I know the beat.  
  
***  
  
"Raven," he says quietly, breaking the silence, "I didn't call you to  
tell you about me, or  
to talk about things. I called you for a reason."  
  
"Which would be... what? A holy quest from Ra? Inside information? Explanation for the messed-up visions I've been having?"  
  
He shakes his head.  
  
"No, no holy quest, no inside information. And as for the visions... you would have to ask the other gods themselves. Since you've had them it probably means they want you to know something. But anyway, I came here for something else."  
  
"What?!" I am getting really impatient. I wish he would hurry the hell up, I really do have homework.  
  
"Advice."  
  
I stop and stare at him. "You made me come out here, wasted my time for over an hour, just for a piece of ADVICE? I could get advice from a fucking fortune cookie!"  
  
He stares back at me, glaring with his mud-brown eyes.  
  
"You should never turn away help, Raven. And advice can be the most useful help you can get."  
  
Somehow he struck a blow with those words. I feel myself humbling before his eyes.  
  
"Okay, what is it then?"  
  
He leans against a wall and closes his eyes for a long time. I wait, more patiently than I thought I would.  
  
After a while he looks at me again and I see a demonic creature behind him, as if a shadow. The creature has the body of a man and the head of an armadillo. (Or at least that's what it looks like. I can't be sure.) He doesn't look to be so bad, but you can almost see the shimmering waves of evil intent that surround him.  
  
Somehow I pity Set. I doubt he wants to be the way he is, just like everybody wants to be different at some point in their life. Set can't change, like humans can, though. He was made to be hated and despised. It must be lonely that way.  
  
"Suffering," he said softly, "is life. I know this, obviously. Sometimes, for something you love to live, you have to let him suffer. The whiter a person is, the darker their shadow is. Though, without that shadow they will cease to truly exist."  
  
He holds his hands up and entwines the fingers. "Symbiosis. That's what it comes down to. If it makes it easier think of it as that Ying-Yang thing."  
  
"Who... or what... are you talking about?"  
  
"I think you know. He really is more than he seems."  
  
I open my mouth to protest, then shut it again.  
  
"How did you... know about that?"  
  
He smiles slyly. "It's kind of obvious."  
  
"Is it really?"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. Luckily for you he's too dense to get the picture yet, so he isn't off-put by you. And don't worry, your secret is safe with me." He pantomimed zipping his lips shut.  
  
I smile. "So... are you saying that he's bad or something?"  
  
He nods his head, then stops. He looks kind of confused.  
  
"Not... really. Yes and no. It's hard to explain. The two sisters could explain it better." He looks up at the sun, and I can see it reflected in his eyes. It doesn't seem to affect him. "You'll probably be meeting them soon."  
  
This is annoying, I wish he would stop being so vague all the time. Why is everybody being so vague to me here?! At least back in America people were fairly blunt about things. If you had a problem, people would tell you. Most of the time.  
  
"Look, I just... damn, I'm just saying..." I stop, trying to word my thoughts correctly. "I'm just saying I don't want mysteries."  
  
Set laughs. "Too bad, Shadow-girl, because mysteries are what you are going to get for a while. And, before you ask, you're stuck with that nickname as well."  
  
"Why? Is it because I wear black or something?"  
  
"No. You'll see why soon."  
  
I close my eyes and realize how exhausted I am.  
  
"Fine. Just as long as, in the end, no one else is hurt I don't care."  
  
He nods and bows to me, then walks away. It is only then, that I see the little golden ankh in his hand.  
  
I decide that now is the time to go to Burger World. Hopefully the gang will still be there and I can spend time with them. Perhaps I will actually talk as well.  
  
As I walk to the restaurant I wonder if I will ever see the god of Chaos again.  
  
Probably not.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~  
  
Hey! New gods introduced. Here they are (I got it right this time!!!)  
  
Nun~ According to the ancient Egyptian creation myth, Nun was the waters of absolute chaos. It/He was the only thing before there was land, then the first land (Or Ra, depending on what myth you read) rose out of the waters of Nun. Nun was also associated with the chaos that existed at the edges of the universe.  
  
Set~ The god of chaos, plague/pestilence infertility, and all other things that threatened harmony Egypt. (In this story I have him representing poverty as well.) The most famous Egyptian myth about him is when he murdered his brother Osiris for the throne of Egypt. His nephew (Osiris's son) Horus fought him and won, then became the ruler of the living.  
  
At first I was going to do this chapter with Anubis as the god, instead of Set. Then I read more about Set and wondered what his point of view on the whole thing would be, and who better to give advice about balance than the god of Chaos himself? I hope you liked the chapter. It is a bit longer than the others but I'm not sure whether you would notice that or not.  
  
I really do hope that you caught the little thing I put in there. It totally hints out the ending, but it's hard to find if you're not looking for it specifically.  
  
Good day, and so forth  
  
Khani 


	7. Update

Holy shit…

I honestly thought if I stopped updating this would go into the recycle bin or something. It is really weird that somebody read this again…

Damn. Now I have to start writing this story again. .

See, the thing is, I just started writing this on a whim, and it isn't going where I want it to. If you think the first-person thing is confusing to you, it's about ten times worse on this end. I have to write this weird thing.

Also, this year marks that eighth grade for me… (aren't you surprised? I was only 12 when I started Hidden Meanings. I'm 14 now) and eighth grade means more work, more assassinations to plot, and one person to devote my life to.

BUT… that doesn't mean I don't like Ryou anymore. I will try to finish this thing. I really will. As you can see I deleted the recap chapter since it was just areally retarded way to procrastinate.

So, thanks to Raven ( ) and Suicide and Murder for reviewing. I am seriously glad that someone liked it enough to keep sending me reviews.

Ja,

Khani


End file.
